


The Decision

by TenRoseForeverandever



Series: Domestic Bliss [10]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Unplanned Pregnancy, discussion of miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 18:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2120955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenRoseForeverandever/pseuds/TenRoseForeverandever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place in Pete's World. "He rolled over to find her side of the bed empty and cold, as though she hadn’t been there for some time. He gave a cynical snort at the analogy to her recent attitude toward their relationship: she had been so distant recently, drifting away from him, closing herself off."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Decision

**Author's Note:**

> Please note, this story contains references to miscarriage and abortion. If these are triggers for you, please do not read.  
> That being said, I hope you enjoy the story...

**The Decision**

He rolled over to find her side of the bed empty and cold, as though she hadn’t been there for some time. He gave a cynical snort at the analogy to her recent attitude toward their relationship: she had been so distant recently, drifting away from him, closing herself off. Maybe he had pushed too hard, trying to prove that he was the same man as the fully-Time Lord Doctor. Maybe she regretted not staying with that other him and travelling the stars of her home universe. Maybe she was just being polite and doing what was expected of her: taking him in; pretending to make love to him.

His fist slammed into the pillows.

At first, he had believed she felt for him everything she had felt for his counterpart. He had seen it in the cheeky glint in her eyes and the brilliance of her grin. Oh, it had been difficult, in the beginning, getting over the shock of abandonment (again), but she had quickly accepted her fate, had quickly accepted him, and loved him as he loved her... forever. That’s what he had thought, anyway. But recently, the light in her eyes no longer shone when she looked at him, and she never smiled anymore. He had thought that they had been building toward something that was even bigger and better and more all-consuming than they had ever had before. Clearly, he had been mistaken.

His hand clasped over his single heart to prevent it from beating right out of his chest in anguish. It seemed that this universe was as determined as his original one to remind him that he didn’t deserve to have happiness, to strip him of all hopes and dreams… to take Rose away from him one way or another.

He growled in frustration. He didn’t think he would survive losing her again. He needed her.

So he resolved that he wasn’t going to lose her, not without trying everything in his power to make it right. And then, only then… if she truly did not want him anymore, if he caused her such pain, he would let her go, because he loved her and only wanted to see her happy. That’s what _He_ had done, the Time Lord Doctor: loved her too much, and in the end, sacrificed his own happiness so that she could have a fantastic life. And _he_ could do it too, if that was what was necessary.

He jumped up from the bed and went in search of her.

She was nowhere to be found in their little blue house. He smiled at the memory of finding their little home, away from the city, out in the country, where they could see the stars. They had known it was perfect for them from the very first time they saw it. Sitting atop a high hill at the end of a long, lonely lane, there was no doubt that it was a fixer-upper. It was practically falling apart, abandoned and broken. But upon seeing the peeling paint on the siding, TARDIS-blue, they had known, instantly, that this house was to be theirs. No words had been needed to make the decision, just a look cast between them and a heartfelt clasping of hands. It was a tiny little house, but so much bigger inside their hearts.

Surely she had loved him then. Surely she had loved him as they worked together to renovate (well, rebuild really) the crumbling building. Surely she had loved him when he had carried her over the threshold on the day they officially moved in. Surely she had loved him when they set aside one of the little rooms to grow their very own new TARDIS. Surely she had loved him when they had lain together on the rooftop terrace to look up at the stars, and made love in their pale light…

The terrace! Of course!

He flew up the stairs three at a time, bursting into the attic, and fairly flying out the door that led onto the little veranda.

There she sat, on a blanket, very alone, knees tucked up to her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs. She hugged herself even tighter when she heard him approach.

“I missed you…” he whispered uncertainly.

“Hmmph.” Her voice was barely audible.

He tentatively took a step closer, stopping when he saw her muscles tense again. “Rose? Love?”

“Need to be alone.”

“Oh, right…” He turned to walk away, his damned single heart thrashing in his chest. And then he stopped, turned back and closed the distance between them. “No, love, you don’t.”

He saw the anger flare behind her eyes. “Who are you to tell me what I need? You’re always doin’ that: tryin’ to run my life; sendin’ me away!”

He cringed. He _was_ the same man, after all… “I’m sorry. I’ve always just wanted what was best for you. But I’m not sending you away ever again… Rose?”

“Well, you won’t hafta worry ‘bout it anymore. I’ve made up my mind. It’s my life and I… I don’t want _you_ in it! Not anymore. I’ve had enough.” She hissed in a deep breath as he stumbled to his feet before her in shocked disbelief. “Please, Doctor… just go.”

He was numb. Swallowing thickly and desperately controlling the tears that stung in his eyes, he turned and walked heavily toward the door. As he stepped into the attic, her aching sob rent the still night air, and in an instant he was standing beside her again. She was shaking with her tears, and he didn’t know what to do. His instinct was to run; run far away and accept the hurt that would inevitably come of his cowardice. That’s what he always did… No, no, no, that was wrong: over the last year, he had developed new and improved instincts regarding Rose Tyler, and though certain parts of him didn’t want to face this challenge, he understood that she needed him despite her harsh words. His instinct, the one he had suppressed too many times in the past, was to hold, comfort, and protect her.

So, he sat down beside her. “I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm never going to leave you.” He smiled nervously as he repeated her words, spoken to him far away, in another world. It seemed so very long ago.

She deliberately turned her head away from him, so he couldn’t see her expression, but he knew her so well: he was certain that she was giving him an eye roll and sucking in her cheeks just enough to fight back the reluctant smile that teased her lips. He reached for the arm that was closest to him and despite her little huffs of protest, tugged it loose from around her legs and wove his fingers between hers. They sat in silence for several minutes, only quiet snuffles from Rose breaking the spell.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m alright.”

“No. Take it from the expert, Rose. You’re not alright. ‘ _I’m alright_ ’ is just a Time Lord way of saying ‘ _I really need your help to get through this, but I’m too obstinate and bloody-minded to admit it to you or to myself_.’”

“Funny… how our roles have reversed, yeah?”

He blew a sigh forcefully from his lips. “Actually, Rose, I don’t find it funny at all.”

“Nah, I guess you wouldn’t.”

He softly stroked her fingers and felt her tension ease ever so slightly.

“The stars are beautiful tonight, yeah? It’s so clear.”

“Rose…” he prompted.

She extricated her hand from his before she spoke again. “Alright, yeah. You want me to talk about it. I get it.” She ran a restless hand through her hair.

“Yes, I believe it would be best for you to talk about whatever this is. But if you need more time, I can wait. Or… if you feel better talking to someone else…” He tugged on his ear in apprehension. The physical pain this last thought brought on surprised him: his need to be her confidante.

She shook her head, averting her eyes from him. “No, if I’m going to say anything, it has to be to you.”

“Alright…”

“I have a confession to make. I know you’ll hate me for what I’m going to say, so I’m just going to say it and get it over with. You can leave… forever, if you like… after you hear, once you realize…”

“Whatever it is, Rose, we’ll work it out. The old team, yeah…”

“Don’t say that! How can you say that? You don’t know!” She pulled away from his hand that he had extended to comfort her.

“I lied to you,” she blurted after a long moment, “on the beach that day. I’d told you that _that_ was the worst day of my life, but I lied: it got worse.”

“I see… And this is your confession, your lie? That you had worse days?”

“Don’t be so thick! On the beach that day, I lied to you. It wasn’t Mum… it was me.”

His mouth dropped open as he absorbed the meaning of her words. “You were… our…?”

“Mum was tryin’ for a baby. Fell pregnant a month or so later.”

He clutched at his hair. “How could you not have told me, Rose?” He lashed out at her, his voice hoarse with barely controlled anger.

“What could you have done about it?” She stood up suddenly, shouting back at him “What would that information have done to you? Huh? Doctor? You would’ve gone completely spare. How could I have done that to you?”

“Well, I… Where is the baby? What happened? Rose?” The panic surged through him, and he began to pace around the terrace.

“God, I hated you!”

“Rose, where is our baby?”

“You left me alone!”

“There was nothing I could do… The baby, Rose!”

“Everythin’ went wrong! It all felt wrong. At five months, the pain began.”

“Rose…”

“Torchwood… the doctors there tried to help. But they didn’t know what to do. He was dyin’! I could feel him dyin’, Doctor. He had connected to me…,” she tapped her temple to make him understand, “…and I could feel him fadin’. Another piece of you fadin’ away!”

“Rose, if you had just told me, I could have–”

“Could’ve what, Doctor? God! I’ve never felt so alone in my life as I did then! You should have told me I could have got pregnant! You should have made sure we took precautions! You knew this could happen, and you didn’t tell me!”

“I didn’t know.” His voice sounded empty. “I didn’t know, Rose. I never thought…”

“You should’ve!”

“You’re right. I should have.”

“And now, it’s all startin’ again! And I don’t want it! I don’t want to go through all of that again!”

“You’re…?”

“Two months gone.”

Elation like he had never felt before flooded through him. “But, Rose, that’s brill…” His happiness trickled away with his words. “You don’t want it.” A statement, not a question. Unbidden tears brimmed in the corners of his eyes.

“I can’t… I just can’t…” She shook her head emphatically. “Six months… I went into labour. He was so tiny and strange and beautiful. They tried to fix him but they couldn’t figure out the Time Lord bits and they think the travel across the void damaged him and, in the end, they said I should just hold him.”

“Idiots! If I had been there, I could have shown them! Why didn’t you tell me? If you had told me, Rose Tyler, I could have–”

“What, Doctor? What could you have done all the way from another universe?”

Angry regret consumed him. “I could have sent the information they would have needed… right then while we were talking. On the beach. If you had thought to tell me, I could have…” He stopped his tirade when she crumpled into a little, sobbing ball on the blanket. “Oh, Rose, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s not your fault, love.” He knelt down beside her, wrapping his arms around her trembling body.

She began to gasp out words though the torrent of her tears. “I could feel his love for me through our connection. His trust. He trusted that I would make it better. And I failed him.”

“You did everything you could, love.” He stroked her back, comforting her. “And you didn’t fail him: you loved him and held him… for as long as you could.” She nodded her head, lips pressed together to hold back further sobs.

And suddenly he was crying, too, the sense of despair and loss threatening to overwhelm him. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. And I know you had your Mum, but I should have been there for you. Oh, Rose, what a gift it would have been for me, for us. To have a family… with you… oh, Rose. It should have been the three of us on the TARDIS, forever.”

She turned around in his arms and clung to him, sobbing uncontrollably. “I’m sorry, Doctor. You must hate me. I should’ve held on to that lever; should’ve tried harder; should’ve…” She burrowed her face against his shoulder, muffling her increasingly hysterical wails.

“Stop it! Just stop it, Rose!” He shook her in exasperation, and she turned her anguished eyes to meet his. “We can’t do this: playing ‘ _what if_ ’. I know, I know… I’m as guilty of it as you, and I should know better: I’m a Time Lord. Or, at least, mostly one. And you and I both know that there are some things you can’t change. And, for the record, Rose Tyler, I could never hate you. You are my reason for living.” Sitting down on the ground, cross-legged, he gathered her back into his arms, gently drawing her onto his lap.

They rocked against one another, growing quiet in the starlight. Soothing kisses gave way to heart-achingly tender love-making and reaffirmations of their devotion to one another. Afterwards, they lay close together on the blanket, her head on his shoulder, hands entwined, and watching the stars.

“Did you give him a name?” he asked into the peace that surrounded them.

“Not really… speakin’ to him, I just… I just called him ‘ _My Little Time Lord_ ’.” Her breath hitched as she tried to hold back more tears. “I had been thinkin’… that I might call him ‘ _Gallifrey_ ’, to honour you…” She flushed self-consciously in the pale light, and she turned her face away from him. “Pretty dumb, yeah?”

He lifted up onto his elbow, and with a caressing hand, turned her face gently back toward him. He pressed his lips against hers in a mute attempt to express the depth of everything he was feeling in that moment. “Rose…” He managed to stammer out her name, but the rest of the words he wanted to say seemed to be stuck somewhere in his throat: that he was beyond honoured by the name; that nothing she could ever do would be “dumb”; that he was overawed at her strength and resilience; that he always had been, ever since the word “Run!”; that he loved her (always had and would forevermore.) Instead, he simply looked into her eyes, and cupped her cheek, the ends of his fingers tangling in the soft strands of her hair.

She pressed her face into his palm, a sad smile playing on her lips. “You once told me that… that the Time Lords usually had a funeral pyre…” She pulled away from him again. “I had his body cremated… I don’t know… I had always hoped to be able to spread the ashes among the stars.” She looked up to the heavens and he saw the reflections of those pale, distant lights in her damp eyes.

He nodded emphatically. “As soon as the TARDIS is ready. That… that’s what we’ll do, Rose. We’ll find a beautiful spot, a nebula. I wonder if the Rosette nebula exists in this universe. Do you remember, Rose? How all the colours swirled together in the shape of a rose? All pink and yellow! What do you think, eh? Or, I know!” He knew he was rambling, but he had to fight the onslaught of emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him. “What about the–”

“Doctor. Stop. The Rosette Nebula sounds lovely. If there’s one in this universe, we’ll find it. We’ll find the right spot.” She turned away from him again, curling up protectively around herself.

“Oh… alright then.” Silence fell between them, an awkward barrier formed of conflicted emotion.

Eventually, many long minutes later, he uncertainly extended his arm across her waist, his fingers touching the soft flesh of her bare belly. He ached to make contact with the little being nestled within, and reflexively stroked Rose’s skin.

“Don’t,” she commanded softly.

“Rose…”

“It makes it real.”

“But…”

“I don’t want it… Too domestic. I never was the motherly type, anyway, yeah. ”

He gave a cynical huff.

“What was that supposed to mean?” she grumbled.

“Nothing…”

“No, it meant something. You disagree?”

“It meant nothing, Rose.”

She stood up with a heavy sigh. “I’m going in.”

He got up to follow her, hurriedly bundling up their discarded clothes and the blanket in his arms, and trotting after her down the stairs and the short hallway to their bedroom. He caught up to her at the door of the en suite, only to have it close firmly in his face. He heard the lock snick into place.

“Rose, please let’s talk more. Please. I’m so sorry… what I said before. I was frustrated.”

The lock clicked and Rose opened the door just enough so that he could see her face. “The procedure is this morning, Doctor. I need to get ready to go.” The door shut again.

As he heard the shower turn on, he stood stupidly with the bundle of pyjamas and blanket still held in front of him. _The procedure? This morning? But…_ Dropping the bundle in a heap, he stepped forward, rattling the doorknob violently. “Rose! Rose! Open up! Please let me in!” There was no response. He slid down the wall next to the bathroom door, feeling empty.

He began to weep with the pain of it all: pain for his Rose, and all that she had endured… was enduring; pain for his lost child and the one he would lose so soon; pain for the loss of his Gallifreyan children, grandchildren, and his people. He knew what it was to have to sacrifice the lives of loved ones for the greater good. The scars would endure all of his life. And he rather thought that the scars Rose would have to bear might be even worse, because this wasn’t a noble act; she was choosing to do this out of fear of an uncertain future. It was so contrary to her generous, compassionate nature…

All he could do was be her support and her strength. He would pour his boundless love for her into her soul to try to ease the anguish that was sure to follow.

“Doctor, you’re cryin’.” Suddenly her solemn eyes were gazing into his. She crouched before him, wrapped in a pink towel, her damp tresses curling over her shoulders. He hadn’t even heard her approach.

“I’m alright.”

“Are we seriously goin’ there again, tonight?”

“Naw, suppose not. It’s just… Rose… you think this will be less painful, but, I know you. The repercussions of this will tear you apart.”

“Doctor, I’ve made my decision.” Her words were spoken with a distinct tone of warning.

“And it’s your decision to make,” he agreed readily. “You’ve obviously considered the pros and cons carefully. And only you can know what’s right for you.” He glanced out the bedroom window where the sliver of dawn light was dimming the light of the stars. “When is your appointment?”

“Soon. I need to be there by half-seven.” She stood up, visibly quaking when she walked to her dresser and began rummaging through it for knickers and a bra.

“Torchwood?”

“Yeah. Completely confidential. No questions asked. They’ll assume I don’t want it to interfere with my job as a field agent.”

“No questions asked… means you’ve talked to no one. Your Mum and Pete?”

“God, no! They don’t know. Can you just imagine Mum’s reaction?” she replied, dropping the towel and slipping on her knickers.

He nodded, now trying very hard to keep emotion from his reactions. He was good at this, shutting off. But it had never resulted in any particularly positive outcome in the past: it had only ever complicated things between him and Rose. He had wasted so much time shutting her out, not telling her how he felt. And now, another man, the Time Lord Doctor, was left with little but regret. But, here and now, he had already shed his tears and she didn’t need his emotions to interfere with her choices. He just hoped _he_ wouldn’t regret this later. “What procedure did they recommend?”

“Originally, we considered oral medication, but I’m nine weeks along…”

“Yeah, the end of the recommended stage of development, and _that’s_ for purely human cases. Vacuum aspiration, then?”

She ducked her head, letting her wet hair fall across her face. “Why do you know all this stuff?”

“Oh, genius me! I keep all kinds of information up in the old noggin. You know that!”

“Bigger on the inside brain, yeah,” she chuckled sadly. She turned away from him and finished dressing: comfy track pants and a T-shirt. “What about you?”

“What about me, Rose?”

“You were so upset a minute ago… And now, you’ve gone all ‘clinical-Doctor’ on me. God, I haven’t seen _that_ for a long time. You only ever do it when you’re tryin’ to avoid some intimate discussion.”

“Weeeell, nothing to discuss, is there? You seem to be very well-informed. And I know better than to try to change your mind. Stubborn, you are, Rose Tyler.”

“Suppose you’re right.” She disappeared back into the bathroom to dry her hair. The roar of the hairdryer sounded angry to his ears.

She reappeared in a few short minutes. “I gotta go, Doctor. Wish me luck!” She was acting so flippant, as though she was just going out for a job interview. But her hesitant smile and shaking hands as she picked up her car keys from the bedside table belied her true feelings.

“I’ll drive you.”

“No.”

“Rose, you are not doing this alone. I’ll be right there. Just gimme two minutes to get dressed.” He quickly turned and pulled on his clothes, grabbing them randomly from his dresser. “You cannot do this by yourself.”

“No. I can’t let you see me like that… doin’ that. I can’t do that to you.” She dragged a hand through her hair, pulling the last few strands into place.

He hesitated before responding. “It’ll hurt me just the same, whether I’m there or not. And besides, we’re in this together, always.”

A tiny frown crinkled her brow and she stepped toward him, taking his hands in hers. Tugging him toward her, she sat down on the edge of her bed. “Tell me what you’re feelin’, Doctor. Please. I think I need to know.”

He allowed her to pull him to sit next to her. “Rose, your appointment.”

“There’s loads of time. Now, tell me.” She released one of his hands to gently touch his cheek, stroking a finger over his sideburn.

“I’m worried about the repercussions of this for you.”

“Yeah, so you’ve said. I am too. But I want to know about the repercussions for _you_.”

“Oh, so you’ve decided that I might want to have a say in the fate of _our_ child?”

She flinched at his bitter words, but remained silent.

“I’m sorry, Rose. I had no right.”

She squeezed his hand. “Yeah, you had every right.”

He sighed. “Rose, when I was given the gift of this adventure with you, I was so grateful. I had the chance to finally do things right, even though, I admit, it seemed a bit domestic. But I really _was_ happy to take the slow path with you. I knew it might be difficult to adjust sometimes, but I knew I would be happy to be with you forever, because you, Rose Tyler, complete me. And if we decided to have children, I looked forward to trying to make them together. I imagined you running out to me from the bathroom grinning, with a little positive pregnancy test in your hand. I imagined making love to you again, just to celebrate. I imagined watching your tummy grow big and you become even more sexy and beautiful. And I imagined watching you nurse the baby. And I even looked forward to changing nappies. And sleepless nights. First steps. First words. All the mundane, miraculous, stupid possibilities I never got to experience the first time ‘round, and was too thick to even consider allowing myself to experience when you were travelling with me… until it was too late.”

She stood up abruptly, tears rushing over her cheeks. She went to her bedside table, and frantically rummaged around the bottom drawer. With an audible sigh of relief, she finally found what she was searching for, and stuffed it into the pocket of her hoodie, concealing it before she returned to sit down next to him again. “I’ve ruined it for you… ruined everything.”

“Oh, I don’t think anything is ruined, Rose Tyler. We’re just off to a very bad start. That’s very us.”

“I’m frightened.” She endearingly swiped at her nose with the back of her hand.

“I know. But I’ll be with you every step of the way. If we ever decide to start a family, we’ll do it when _you’re_ ready and not a moment sooner. C’mon, love. Let’s get you to your appointment.” He stood up, extending his hand to her, fingers wiggling invitingly.

She pressed her lips together, holding back further tears. Her brow furrowed, and she looked up at him with a fathomless expression as she took his hand. “A quick dash to the loo first, Doctor, and maybe freshen up a bit. Wash my face, yeah.” She forced a stoic smile and rushed into the en suite.

He took the opportunity to run downstairs to gather his wallet, mobile, and keys, and put on his shoes. When she still hadn’t appeared ten minutes later, he returned to their bedroom. “Rose? Are you okay?” he called in through the bathroom door. “Rose!” When she didn’t respond, unbidden, irrational dread seized him and he prepared to force the door open. “Rose!” As he rushed toward the door, shoulder first, it suddenly opened, and he floundered in mid-charge, long limbs flailing to ease his momentum. He crashed into Rose, a tangle of arms and legs stumbling across the bathroom where they crumpled together on the floor against the shower stall.

“Blimey, Doctor! What the hell!” Rose recovered quickly from her shock and started to giggle. _And what a glorious sound that was,_ the Doctor mused in the part of his brain that wasn’t struggling with disentangling from Rose and making sure that she was all in one piece.

“Well,” she continued, as they floundered together on the floor, “this wasn’t what I was picturin’. And I’m quite certain that it wasn’t what you had in mind either, but we’re not really conventional people, are we? So this will have to do. And it was all wrong from the beginnin’, anyway.” Her attention was suddenly taken with groping around the floor in search of something. “Doctor,” she requested, “lift up your bum. I think you’re sittin’ on it. C’mon! Up, up!”

Stunned, he did as she asked.

“Okay, you can sit back down now. Ta!”

“Rose–”

“Shush! I need to say somethin’, alright?”

He nodded, mute with bewilderment, but quickly found his voice again: “Don’t you want to get up, first? Go somewhere more comfortable.”

“Nah, this is actually quite perfect. Cozy. Should make getting to the next step that much easier, I’d think.”

“Cozy? Are you alright, Rose? Didn’t hit your head or anything?” He reached over and started examining her scalp.

“I’m fine!” She batted his hands from her head. “Daft alien! Now let me talk. Or… well… oh, Doctor…” Tears welled up in her eyes.

“Rose, love,” he suggested glancing at his watch, “whatever it is, how about you tell me on the way.”

“No.” She gave him a watery smile and stroked his cheek. “Doctor… I’m pregnant!” She produced the item she had retrieved from under him, a positive pregnancy test, and held it proudly out before her for him to examine.

“Rose, I already know…” he said a bit impatiently. Then he realized what she trying to do. “That’s what you hid in your pocket earlier! The test! Oh, Rose!”

“We had fun tryin’ to make her, under the stars that night, on the terrace, when we officially moved in. Remember?”

Dazed, he dumbly nodded his head.

“Weren’t really tryin’, I guess. Didn’t need to, obviously,” she murmured behind a shy grin and, ducked her head to hide her blush. “It just kinda happened, yeah. And, just now, I wanted to come running out to you to show you the test, just the way you said you imagined, but, well… you kinda ran to… _into_ me instead. And Doctor, I know that–”

“Her? You said ‘her’.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure… she tried to connect to me earlier in the night. And, oh God, I shut her out, ‘cause I thought I didn’t want her. I was so scared. But then you said all of that… and you said you’d wait ‘til I was ready. And, Doctor…” she whispered, “… I… I’m ready. I am _so_ ready!”

“A little girl! Our… our little girl. May I?” He extended his hand over her, and with her fervent nod of permission, he lifted her T-shirt as she tugged down the front of her track pants. He caressed her belly, reaching out with his mind to the new little life, rejoicing in the feel of it tickling the edge of his perception. He felt himself beaming uncontrollably.

“You were right: this baby is a gift, a precious gift. I should never have taken that for granted.”

He became serious again. “Did I say that?”

“Not directly, I s’pose, but yeah, you did.”

“Are you certain about this, though? Don’t you need more time to think it over?”

“Oh, yes! I’m certain!” She threw her arms around his neck and nuzzled against his shoulder. Then she pulled back and looked steadily at him. “I’m sorry, so sorry, Doctor. I know there are loads of reasons – very good ones – that women have to terminate a pregnancy, and to decide if it’s right for them. But for me, really being honest with myself, I don’t think I could’ve done it. Not when it came right down to it. After talking to you… You were right, Doctor, I should have talked it through with you, anyone first.

“I was just so afraid of facin’ all of that sadness again, even though I knew... logically… I just felt so alone and I never should have. You were right there all along, right where I always wanted you to be. And it’s just… I was…”

He stroked her arm gently, encouraging her.

“…I didn’t want you to hate me, I guess. I didn’t trust that you would still want me after lyin’ like that. Scared of bein’ left behind again. By you… By the baby… ‘M still scared. What if somethin’ goes wrong?”

“Then I’ll be there to help with the Time Lord bits. Besides, Rose, no Void travel this time. Torchwood was right: that was probably the main problem.”

She leaned her head on his shoulder. Several minutes passed before she spoke again, voice quivering. “What if I’m not a good Mum?” She raised her head, her eyes pleading with him to reassure her and help her sort her tumultuous emotions.

“You will be fantastic, Rose! And you know something, so will I!” He grabbed her face between his hands and pulled her lips to his, giving her a sloppy wet kiss. “You’re brilliant, you are! Ha! Just look at all the amazing things you’ve done! You’re a superhero! This baby will have a superhero for a Mum and a genius for a Dad! How brilliant is that?”

She scoffed at his antics, wiping her lips emphatically and cuffing him affectionately on the arm, before becoming wistful again. “I hope you’re right. I hope I can… I hope… Hope! Hope!” She wrapped her arms around her tummy in a hug, her face breaking into a toothy grin of delight.

“Hope! Hooope! ” He leaped from the floor in a wild rush. “I like the way that sounds: Hope! And I can say: ‘Well, I should _hope_ so, Hope!’” He thrust a finger in the air triumphantly.

Abruptly, his expression switched from wild exuberance to loving and tender. “Sometimes I think the universe could use a little Hope.” Then, he bent down toward her, taking her hands in his, and whispering in her ear, “I believe I heard you say something about the next step, and I think I said something earlier about making love to celebrate this wonderful moment. Would we have been talking about the same thing?” He pulled her to her feet, and placed kisses on each of her wrists before finding her lips again.

She murmured breathlessly into his kiss, “Figured that out, did ya? Genius, you.”

“Yup! Genius, that’s me!” He began to tug her out of the bathroom toward the bed.

“I’m warning you, Doctor, I think I might want to celebrate rather a lot today, if that’s all right with you.”

“Oh, I don’t mind in the least, love! And maybe tonight we can go up to the terrace and celebrate again… under the stars.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“And we can choose which one we’ll take her to visit first!”


End file.
